It’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m awake. Yeah, that means it’s 5:00 a.m. somewhere (hello, East Coast!), but no happy hours can be found in the wee hours of the morning. Plus, I don’t feel like driving across the country.
So why do I suffer so from insomnia? Why can’t I sleep at night like a normal person. I’ve convinced myself that I do my best writing in the middle of the night, but I’m not making a living doing this, so I shouldn’t be losing sleep over it.
I sleep like a baby during the day. I’ve been known to take 4-hour “power naps” in the daylight hours. My therapist says don’t put direct light into my eyes when I’m trying to sleep, but I don’t see why. Apparently, I sleep better when it’s bright.
She really means I shouldn’t be playing Words with Friends on my cell phone in the dark when I’m trying to sleep and my blissfully happy husband is snoring away beside me.
I’ve taken Nyquil already. Nope. Not helping. I’ve tried Melatonin. I’ve done Ambien. I even have some awesome anti-anxiety pills called Clonazepam that can be used as a sleep aid, but NOOOOO! I feel like taking all three of those “remedies” and swallowing them with a giant margarita.
I think all people would fall asleep without issue with enough tequila in them.
I’ve tried other remedies, too. Journaling, watching boring TV, reading, doing crossword puzzles…. I just wind up addicted to that stuff and I’m awake for at least another two hours.
If my husband didn’t work morning and afternoon drives reporting traffic, I’d just take some overnight job that no one else wants so I can embrace the night owl within me.
Why do they even bother saying “night owl.” Aren’t all owls nocturnal? Shouldn’t we add an unnecessary “night” to other nocturnal animal names. “I’m always up late. I’m a total night bat.”
And now I’m hungry. It’s been eight hours since dinner. My body is saying it’s time to eat. Now, I rarely listen to my body when it’s trying to tell me something, but when it’s telling me I’m hungry, it’s usually yelling (in the form of a stomach growl). Not too subtle are you, body?
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to sleep at night like a normal person? Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to become an entirely normal person. I just want to sleep like one. Or a baby. I want to sleep like a baby. No. That’s not it. From what I hear, babies don’t sleep much, which is why their parents are always so bleary-eyed all the time. I’m bleary-eyed all the time and I’m child-free!
Okay, I want to sleep like my dog. I want to sleep like her, even with the occasional mild running motions and whimpering noises she makes when she’s having her little doggie dreams about chasing squirrels.
I think I just need an off-switch for my brain. Do they sell those at the hardware store? I can just pick one up on my way to get Visene for tomorrow morning.