I always get the post-birthday blues each October 1. I get one day of being Queen of the Universe, then *POOF* – it’s over and I have to go back to being nobody special. What a tease birthdays are.
And now that I’m 40, I can finally stop bitching about turning 40 and just do things old people do. Here’s what I came up with for potential hobbies:
1.) Yell at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, even when they’re not on my lawn.
2.) Say, “Sorry?” everytime someone speaks so they think I’m going deaf.
3.) Get the Early Bird Special at Coco’s.
4.) Go to bed at 7:30.
5.) Wake up at the ass crack of dawn.
6.) Take up crocheting.
7.) Start using a cane.
8.) When someone asks how I am, start off with a list of disgusting ailments, then say, “But I’m fine,” followed by a big sigh.
9.) Get arthritis.
10.) Start drinking white wine.
11.) Buy an Oldsmobile. Or a Buick.
12.) Master the ultimate guilt trip.
14.) Move to Florida (aka God’s waiting room).
15.) Watch the History Channel and reminisce about the Good Old Days.
16.) Vote Republican.
17.) Call the police when the neighbors play their music at a reasonable volume.
18.) Order Sanka at all restaurants.
19.) Complain about being old.