I grew up watching Sesame Street. It debuted on my older brother’s first birthday in 1969 and I started watching it before I can even remember. I grew up in Central California suburbia. My childhood couldn’t have been much better. But here’s why I’d rather have been born and raised on Sesame Street.
1.) It’s the coolest inner-city barrio on the planet! Despite it’s muppety cuteness, Sesame Street isn’t in the nicest of neighborhoods, yet no one ever gets mugged, raped or murdered.
2.) I support its “gay agenda.” Okay, there’s no such thing as a gay agenda. But Ernie and Bert are the Odd Couple of the muppet set. I enjoy pigeons and bottlecaps, and, on the rarest of occasions, I have been unable to hear because I had a banana in my ear.
3.) How flippin’ cool would it be to buy a 40-oz. and a pack of smokes at Hooper’s Store?
4.) One word. SNUFFLEUPPAGUS!
5.) Gordon and Susan. These two people have to be the nicest, sweetest, most CONDESCENDING …. no wait. They’re just nice and sweet. Plus, Gordon is a chrome dome. I always remember wondering if I could see my reflection in that shiny head of his.
6.) I do, in fact, know how to get there. Well, I could at least fly to NYC and locate Sesame Street Studios and/or the Muppet Workshop. I also know the way to San Jose, but I digress. I’d say that’s pretty good for a girl who completely lacks any semblance of a sense of direction.
7.) I could meet that handsome devil behind the voice and muppeteering of Elmo. I would like to toss Elmo in front of a truck, but his muppeteer is really hot!
8.) I could go out in the field with Kermit for Sesame Street News. I’ll never forget his interview with Peter Piper’s family: “All the Pipers pick pickled peppers, but Peter gets all the publicity.”
9.) I’d demand a tour of Oscar’s trash can. We all know he’s got a pool in there, though who knows if it has ever been cleaned. I know I’d get Oscar to do my bidding because I can be quite the grouch when I want to me, as my brother will attest. I bet Oscar would actually LIKE ME. Maybe together, we could preach the benefits of anti-depressants.
10.) The SPONSORSHIPS! The entire alphabet, plus the numbers 1-12! Think of the ad revenue!