I nearly tossed my TV Guide across the room in absolute terror when I came across a full-page ad for this:
Note that Baby Babu “sucks” its thumb. CREEEEPY! And “she” also has “Real Touch (TM)” vinyl skin. So monkeys feel like the backseat of a 1974 Pinto? Okay.
So of course I immediately had to visit the Ashton Drake website to find out more about this not-so-adorable baby monkey and found SO MANY OTHER CREEPY DOLLS. Creepy enough to make me miss Baby Doe all over again. There are other monkey dolls available, like Mollie here:
Mollie is described as “realistic” and a “toddler.” Or a monkey for toddlers. I’m not really sure. But she costs 150 bucks! No toddler should have a toy worth 150 bucks. Not even Tori Spelling’s toddlers.
But wait! There’s more! Check out the following horribly frightening baby collectibles and ask yourself one simple question: Who the hell buys this shit??
If I had a gazillion dollars, I’d buy up the entire Ashton Drake collection and keep them all in my guest room to scare people into not staying for more than one night. Because it’s really an imposition.