susieworld

If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

What I learned reading Entertainment Weekly October 26, 2011

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 10:52 PM

My issue of Us Weekly didn’t arrive last week for reasons unknown, so I’m going with a much more respected publication. This won’t be as fun, but here goes…

1.)  The first rule of Fight Club is that everyone who has seen it loves it and, thusly, talks about it all the time.

Film critics everywhere don't seem to remember the first rule of Fight Club.

2.)  Beyonce, 50 Cent, Usher, and Mariah Carey all made millions performing for members of the Gaddafi family.

3.)  Charlie’s Angels has been CANCELED! I’m guessing it’s because there wasn’t enough jiggle. Or feathered hair.

4.)  Lindsay Lohan kept missing her court-ordered community service at a women’s center, so she was transferred to the Red Cross.  EW: “Asked why the Red Cross was selected, a spokesman said, ‘It’s clear this thing is now an international disaster-relief effort.'”

Oh. And she's also going to show off her drug addled cooch in Playboy.

5.)  Fonzie’s motorcycle from Happy Days is up for auction. Anyone have a spare $90K?

6.)  The iPod is 10 years old.

He must be listening to Train because their music stinks!

7.)  Ian McShane really digs starring in movies based on Fairy Tales.

8.)  The Lorax has been turned into a feature film and Danny DeVito is voicing the little mustached guy. Somehow Danny DeVito speaking for the trees doesn’t seem all that fitting. Did they cast him because he and the Lorax have similar statures?  Also, we will see the Once-ler in his entirety, not just the green gloved hands. Thanks, Hollywood, for ruining another classic.

The Lorax speaks for the trees with a thick, gravely New York accent.

9.)  Rachel Bilson, star of Hart of Dixie, is a terrible actress. Okay, I didn’t get this from EW. I formed my own opinion.

10.)  Everybody loves Zooey Deschanel.

11.)  Elizabeth Olson is finally taking attention away from her creepy twin sisters. Alas, she only seems to be photographed when they’re both flanking her.

One of these things is not like the others. Two of these things are kind of the same.

12.)  Zachary Quinto, of Heroes and Star Trek fame, is gay. I, for one, am not shocked by this at all. 

13.)  In obvious news, zombies have regained popularity. Eating brains has never been so sexy.

Zombie LOL!

14.)  Some unknown actor talks about how he got his head chopped off in an episode of Dexter.

15.)  Redheads are taking over television.

BONUS: Entertainment Weekly didn’t educate me on a single thing about the Kardashians.

How in the sweet name of Jesus am I supposed to keep up?

Hopefully by next week I’ll be back to reporting on the real news – Kim and her mom wearing platform stilettos while riding camels.

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