I’m having a serious panic attack right now. Uncontrollable sobs, shaking, rocking back
and forth like I belong in a mental hospital.
All because I got a great new job and I’m not doing it perfectly.
Oh, and because I have three other jobs, at least one of which I’m seriously neglecting.
And also because now that I’m in full-blown panic mode, all my insecurities are bubbling to the top and I’m wishing I were a millionaire so I could fix my body, my hair … my mind.
But you know what? I put on my Snuggie and somehow things seem a little better. Not entirely better, but my Snuggie is like being wrapped in my mother’s arms right now.
Yes. My Snuggie.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a mess. I’m still struggling to breathe. I’m still fighting back
tears. I’m still dreading having to return to work tomorrow and feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
I feel lost. And it’s so soon after I felt like I’d finally found myself. I finally became what I wanted to be when I grew up without having to actually grow up. A week ago, I was in bliss-land. Now everything has gone to hell.
I am Anxiety Girl.
The worst superhero ever to grace the planet.
I am useless, yet feel I would benefit greatly by having the real me be my secret identity. That way no one would know what a disaster I am right now.
Yet here I am blogging about it.
You know what I find most annoying when I’m in the middle of an attack? People telling me to take deep breaths. Yeah, like I don’t know panting into hyperventilation is a bad idea!
But I have my Snuggie. And my Snuggie has pockets. I can’t imagine feeling like this without the warmth of a blanket with sleeves. A little chocolate pudding wouldn’t hurt either.
Thankfully, I don’t really give a flying fuck about people judging me for my love of the Snuggie. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it! Anyone who hates chocolate pudding hates America.
I’m starting to feel better, but I can’t credit this mental release of blogging, nor can I credit the miraculous backwards robe. It’s the meds. They’re finally kicking in.