1.) Rob Lowe needs to find a new tanning place.
2.) Kate Winslet wins a lot of awards.
3.) I don’t watch nearly as much TV as I’d once thought. Who ARE all these people??
4.) People are really grateful for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Not so grateful to their agents and God.
5.) Queen Latifah and Mary J. Blige don’t like Madonna. At all.
6.) I think Katherine McPhee’s eye makeup got all over Debra Messing’s eyes.
7.) Okay. Now Brad Pitt is just TRYING to look ugly.
8.) Seth Rogan was not kidding about that erection. Kate Beckinsale is hot and I’d totally hit that if I were a lesbian.
9.) Sarah Michelle Gellar doesn’t seem to realize people are laughing at her horrible, horrible dress.
10.) Acceptance speeches are so much shorter when you fast-forward through them.
11.) It’s hard to tell if Jessica Lange had bad work done on her face or just hasn’t aged as gracefully as I’d have thought.
12.) My husband things Madonna “still looks pretty good for her age.”
13.) And the award for Best Supporting Garment goes to…. SPANX!
14.) I didn’t think they’d include Morgan Freeman’s incredible work from The Electric Company in his montage. I am happily surprised.
15.) That Martin Scorcese guy does a mean Woody Allen impersonation.
16.) Modern Family is the only network show to win anything! I think it’s also the only thing I watch that won anything. Seriously. Who ARE these people??
17.) Mark Wahlberg is so not impressed with the list of impressive nominees.
18.) A silent film won best comedy movie. Scriptwriters everywhere are shaking their fists at God.
18.) What got trapped under Natalie Portman’s dress? I get that you can get toilet paper stuck to your shoe, but to get a whole toilet stuck to your underwear? Crazy!
19.) I hope they bring Cary Grant back from the dead to play the lead in The George Clooney Story.
20.) As far as I know, Ricky Gervais only swore ONCE!