susieworld

If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: Did you hear Whitney Houston died??) February 18, 2012

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 8:11 PM

So Whitney Houston died. But I didn’t need Us Weekly to learn that and neither did you. Here’s a little about what I did learn…

1.)               If Britney Spears were not a pop superstar, she says she’d probably be a teacher of reading and history. Finally, something to make me grateful Britney Spears is a pop superstar.

2.)               There is a show called Dance Moms. And the dances they make their children perform have been about themes such as birth and murder. I wish these dance moms had never been born so I wouldn’t feel the urge to want to murder them.

3.)               Kelly Ripa used to do stand-up comedy.

4.)               Macauley Culkin isn’t looking so good these days.

There are no words for this.

5.)               There were some really ugly dresses at the Grammys. Did anyone see that confection Fergie was wearing?? It looked like grandma crocheted her a dress, then forgot to mention she should wear something underneath it besides just a bra and granny panties.

6.)               Jessica Simpson is very pregnant and still very much in need of a stylist.

7.)               Bangs are where it’s at, ladies! Get thee to a hairstylist STAT!

8.)               In the requisite Brangelina story, they say they want to adopt more children. This is not news.

9.)               Tim McGraw and Faith Hill say their marriage works because of the words, “Yes, ma’am,” and “you’re right.” You’re right. I hate being called ma’am.

10.)           Chris Brown may be an even bigger jackass now that he has a Grammy than he was when he beat up Rihanna.

11.)           Sophia Bush needs to stop dating her “One Tree Hill” co-stars if she ever wants a lasting relationship. She’s already made her way through three of them.

12.)           Randy Travis was arrested for public drunkenness outside a CHURCH. Must’ve been some communion!

13.)           Whitney, like Michael Jackson before her, was a perfectly big joke (much due to her drug addiction and marriage to Bobby Brown) until she died. Now that she’s gone, she’s known as the greatest thing to happen to R&B music. Maybe if that’s how she felt when she was living, she wouldn’t have made such poor choices, but such is the nature of self-destructive talents.

14.)           Kim Kardashian is reportedly back with Reggie Bush. I suppose it’s okay that she’s moved on so quickly after her divorce because she waited longer than the length of her marriage.

15.)           Val Kilmer and Kelly McGillis have clearly seen better days. Who knew these Top Gun hotties would turn into such ugly middle-aged people??

16.)           Beyonce had a baby and if I’m to be led by what I’ve read in the press, this child is the second coming.

17.)           OMG! What are super best friends Brad Pitt and George Clooney going to DO when they’re both nominated for the same Oscar?

18.)           Fuchsia is the new black.

19.)           Celebrities EXERCISE to stay in shape. Don’t they know how crazy that sounds?

20.)           Fuchsia is now the old black. Dressing like a cheap whore is the new black.

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