People Weekly didn’t look very far before proclaiming Beyonce to be the most beautiful woman in the world. If they’d named someone outside theU.S., I might be less skeptical of this proclamation. So without further adieu, here is the latest in People, PLEASE!
1.) As reported previously in Us Weekly, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are stepping out years after playing a couple on “That 70s Show.” People claims this hookup is long overdue, as the pair thought each though the other was “hot” back in the day. But Mila was dating Kevin from Home Alone, the boy perhaps lesser known as Macauley Culkin.
2.) Megan Fox and hubby Brian Austin Green are expecting! At least that’s what “sources” have confirmed to E! So it must be true.
3.) The JLo/Marc Anthony divorce isn’t going as smoothly as Jennifer’s segway from husband to much-younger boyfriend.
4.) In news that will piss you off, Lindsay Lohan has been cast as Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime network movie about the violet-eyed superstar. Methinks LaLiz is rolling over in her grave. Meanwhile, People is asking the public to cast the role of Richard Burton: Russell Crowe, Brendan Coyle (who??), Jamaine Clement (again, who??), or Clive Owen. I can pretty much guarantee that Crowe and Owen will pass on this “opportunity.”
5.) Katy Perry is “single and loving it.” So much so, she’s already dating another dark-haired Brit.
6.) Neil Diamond is off the market, ladies! The 71-year-old crooner married 42-year-old Katie McNeil on April 21. It’s his third trip down the aisle.
7.) Thomas Beatie, known in tabloid mags as “The Pregnant Man,” has separated from his wife and non-parent to the three children to whom he gave birth. He is also officially a man, after having finally undergone gender reassignment surgery.
8.) In the first “Awwwww” moment of this issue, a 7-year-old girl born without hands has won aPennsylvaniapenmanship award! It appears her hands were partially formed, as she is able to hold a pencil. And the little marvel wants to write books someday. C’mon! Let’s hear it! “AWWWW!!!”
9.) Anthony Hopkins is playing Alfred Hitchcock in an upcoming biopic about the making of “Psycho.” The makeup people should be up for Oscars, as the similarities between the actor and the famous director are uncanny with the help of a prosthetic double chin and pouty lower lip.
10.) Desperate Housewives is coming to a close in a few short weeks and People can’t stop talking about what was once a groundbreaking series and is now a tired series past time for retirement.
11.) TLC, which ironically stands for The Learning Channel, is bringing us an American version of “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.” Not sure what viewers will “learn” from watching this show and I’m not curious enough to find out for myself.
12.) Betty White, who’s more popular at age 89 than she was in her 1970s heyday, says she stays in shape thanks to “a very bad memory and a two-story house.”
13.) Lucky item #13 is dedicated to the alleged World’s Most Beautiful Woman, Beyonce, who clearly enjoys talking about herself. One thing I learned in this featurette is that she struggles to stay in shape. Not because she’s fighting to lose baby weight, but because she has “a hard time toning the backs of my shoulders.”
14.) Julia Roberts says the best compliment she’s ever received was from a junior high classmate who said she could probably fit a popsicle stick in the gap between her front teeth. Alas, the gap disappeared as she got older.
15.) 79 percent of women say they look younger than their actual age and allegedly think about their looks 6 times a day. Men only think about their looks 5 times a day, so there’s a huge gender gap there.
16.) Kristin Davis, Leslie Bibb, Wendie Malick, Tori Burch, Aisha Tyler, Kelly Preston, and Madeleine Stowe all reportedly look “half their age.” Which means Bibb, for example, looks 19. I respectfully disagree.
17.) The best part of this issue? The Stars without Makeup section! J’adore seeing beauties displaying their God-given flaws! But one of the ladies featured is the gorgeous Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, who is only 14 and shouldn’t be wearing a ton of makeup anyway! She’s stunning in the way nature intended her to be.
18.) In the humor department, there’s a story on “The Beauty of the Photobomb,” in which celebrity co-stars conduct staged photobombs in professional shoots.
19.) In the second story having nothing to do with being beautiful, Ryan O’Neal talks about his tortured life, most of which was caused by his own actions. Except for the prostate cancer he was recently diagnosed with.
20.) Dick Clark recently passed away at the ripe old age of 83 and the magazines can’t get enough of the retrospective pieces they’re issuing about him. Mostly pictures, some captions, and a lot of interesting facts about the world’s oldest teenager. As has been said since his passing, the Mayans were right about the world ending in 2012, because without Dick Clark, there will be no New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
So, wanna feel like one of the world’s most beautiful? Check out this issue to see Julie Bowen from “Modern Family” without makeup. She’s still stunning, but it might make you feel better anyway.