Just when you thought reality TV couldn’t get any worse, I bring you these upcoming shows that unnamed networks have reportedly picked up, according to TV Guide, which I am heavily quoting here.
DOGS IN THE CITY: A “canine guru” meets with clients who have relationship problems that can all easily be resolved through their dogs. Really? They need to do a show to prove this? All my dog has to do is wag her tail and give kisses to my husband and me to erase our troubles.
TOP BALLLON: “America’s most talented balloon animal artists compete to uncover who’s got the most twisted skills – and the lungs to match – and who’s just full of hot air.” Here’s hoping one of these clowns can make a lower intestine as well as Steve Martin did in “Parenthood.”
OH SIT!: A show involving five “physically demanding” rounds of – you guessed it! – musical chairs! The music for this competition will be performed by a live band rather than that old portable record player we’re used to.
ROPE-A-DOPE: Let’s just call this Extreme Jump Roping. “Contestants double-dutch on top of skyscrapers, on busy street intersections, and at night in dangerous neighborhoods.” If I were at a busy intersection where jump ropers were holding up traffic for a stupid reality show, I’d risk manslaughter charges by running them down with my car.
TEE-PEE TOURNEY: “Teams compete to wrap their rivals’ homes in toilet paper – and not get caught.” I’m guessing the teams will be made up of 12-year-old boys.
HOWIE MANDEL’S WHITE ELEPHANT: “Mandel asks contestants to pick from a mix of wrapped boxes, some of which contain better prizes than others.” Greed has become the only requirement for today’s “game shows.” Whatever happened to “Fat Fanny was so fat (HOW FAT WAS SHE??).” The Match Game may not have required the intelligence that Jeopardy does, but at least there was a little thought required.
Kinda makes the train wreck that is the Real Housewives franchise look a little more appealing, doesn’t it?