susieworld

If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

People, PLEASE! (or: Not a lick of news about Snooki!) June 4, 2012

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 5:17 PM

Apparently the look for ladies who sing is the Vegas Showgirl look. Beyonce prefers feathers, JLo likes capes, and Rihanna just keeps it minimal with tasseled bikini tops.

Poor Kingston Rossdale (spawn of Gwen Stefani) had to spend his birthday living life like undocumented fieldworkers. Gwen took him to a farm, where he is pictured pushing a wheelbarrow. Whatever happened to Chuck E. Cheese?

Andre 3000 is playing Jimi Hendrix in an upcoming biopic and the resemblance is uncanny.

Bradley Cooper isn’t shy. The 2011 Sexiest Man Alive was snapped clad only in a towel playing with his cell phone on a hotel balcony.

As previously reported in Us Weekly, Britney Spears is only doing so-so as the newest judge on X Factor. But I guess “so-so” is “OUTSTANDING” in Brit-land. She missed a few auditions while taking breaks and mixed up Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid only once. I can see how she’d get the two confused.

I think Keira Knightley received the world’s smallest engagement ring from her fiancé, the keyboardist for a British indie rock band. If the band weren’t indie, she’d have gotten a bigger rock.

Got a spare $29 million? Celine Dion’s opulent spread outside ofMontrealis up for sale. Looking at the pictures of the interior, I’d recommend gutting the place and starting over fresh. If $29 million is too much for you, you could always rent Leonardo DiCaprio’s beachfront “cottage” for a mere $75K a month.

Jenna Von Oy, who most of you probably don’t remember from the 1990s sitcom “Blossom,” is a new mom and claims she is exhausted. The little People brief isn’t about how she had a baby. That’s old news. These two paragraphs were dedicated to what every new mother feels – overwhelmed! BFD, Jenna Von Oy!

In Real Housewives news: the NYC housewives have three new additions after last year’s firings of Alex, Jill, and Kelly. According to People, the new ladies bring less whining and more Carrie Bradshaw coolness to the show. I’m gonna miss the whining.

I want to personally slap every member of One Direction, but they’re so young it would probably qualify as child abuse. I claim “elder” abuse for their “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” song playing on the radio every five minutes.

If anyone out there plans on watching the Jenny McCarthy-hosted “Love in the Wild,” I don’t want to know about it.

There’s another book about Marilyn Monroe hitting the shelves. I imagine bookstores everywhere probably have an entire Marilyn Monroe section.

A lot of people went to the Cannes Film Festival who had no business being at the Cannes Film Festival. Didn’t that used to be sort of an exclusive thing?

In the Jessica Simpson cover story, I was invited to “Meet Baby Max.” Well, I feel like I’ve met her and I’m not impressed. Okay, she’s really cute, but can she sing??

Dallas is coming back!!! I’m excited about this reboot. I never watched the original, but I’m tuning into TNT for Dallas 2.0. This time around, they’re actually filming in Dallas and there is a really cute boy named Josh Henderson who’s starring alongside old fogey Larry Hagman. Here’s to some fresh new eye candy!

Neil Patrick Harris is back hosting the Tony Awards, which makes me wish I gave a rat’s ass about the Tony Awards. Love me some NPH!

The Senate is losing another Republican. Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) says she’s leaving because the government is broken. Finally, I agree with a Republican on something!

Tommy Hilfiger lives in a penthouse at the Plaza Hotel and owns some really ugly art.

John Mayer claims he is older and wiser. Hopefully this means he’s ready to pen a tell-all about his celebrity sexual exploits. Oh wait. He’s already done that in the press.

Holy crap! Queen Elizabeth has been on the throne for 60 years! (Insert poop joke here.) So the palace has “opened its doors” so People could take snapshots of her abhorrent wealth in the form of diamonds.

Can someone remind me what purpose royal families serve in the grand scheme of things besides being wealthy beyond measure? I mean, People PLEASE!

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2 Responses to “People, PLEASE! (or: Not a lick of news about Snooki!)”

  1. Carmen Says:

    LOVE it BUT–you CANNOT mention Bradley Cooper in a towel and NOT post a picture of him!!! HELLO! Gimme something to go to bed with here girlfriend!!! But agree about the NY housewives. Who’s gonna whine RAMONA’s name?


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