susieworld

If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or SWo is gonna tell ya all about KStew and RPatz) July 26, 2012

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 1:28 PM

CHEATER! Maybe now we’ll know why she always has that smug bitchy look on her face.

It’s the latest on RPatz and KStew in this week’s edition of What I Learned by Reading Us Weekly!

 

1.)                Russell Brand admitted that he married Katy Perry with the hope of having children with her. She wasn’t interested. Marriage over.

 

2.)                Justin Bieber claims he’s all grown up, but the kid’s still waiting for his voice to change! Plus, he called President Obama “dude.”

 

3.)                The JerseyShore ladies are feuding. Over who copied who.

 

4.)                Kris Humphries and Kanye West are also feuding. Over the world’s biggest ass.

 

5.)                Tom Cruise spent some quality time with Suri in NYC and took her to the Hamptons.

 

6.)                Matt Lauer got a fake face tattoo when meeting Mike Tyson for the Late Show with Jimmy Fallon. They both looked ridiculous.

 

7.)                There is a list of 25 stars who have been married more than 10 years. Hollywood marriage years are similar to dog years, I think. One year counts as seven so celebs don’t appear quite so fickle.

 

8.)                Miley Cyrus walks her own dog and Marcia Cross ties her own shoes! That’s what makes these stars “Just Like Us.”

 

9.)                The Teen Choice Awards happened and nobody cared. Except Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, who celebrated her 20th birthday by having the entire audience sing Happy Birthday. What a couple of attention whores.

 

10.)            According to Us, when Drake grows up (he’s 25), he’s going to look like Lionel Richie.

 

11.)            True Blood stars Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are having twins.

 

12.)            Since Katy Perry didn’t want to have children with Russell Brand, she’s found herself the perfect rebound guy in John Mayer.

 

13.)            Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis got back together! Okay, it was only for a family day, but still…

 

14.)            Tiki Barber got married, but didn’t take a page out of the Ochocinco handbook and live tweet the ceremony. This is disappointing. I was hoping for a new trend.

 

15.)            American Idol has scored itself a diva by hiring Mariah Carey to be the newest judge after dumping all three of last season’s judges. She’s certainly got the jugs to fill the roles of three people.

 

16.)            Kristen Stewart, aka KStew, was caught on camera cheating on her boyfriend Robert Pattinson, aka RPatz, with her director who happens to be a married father of two and has no clever media-given nickname. And all this happened while poor lovestruck Robert was planning to propose! Harsh, Kristen. Like I needed another reason not to like you.

 

17.)            Bachelorette Emily Maynard is a slut. Film at 11.

 

18.)            Ladies, this issue may be worthy of a look next time you’re in the grocery store checkout line. There’s a lovely feature on the sexy men of the Olympics. And one on the women, too.

 

19.)            Molly Sims introduced her baby to the world via Us Weekly. So far, it doesn’t look like baby Brooks will be a model like his mama. I’m not saying the baby is ugly…. Okay maybe I am. I’m a terrible person.

 

20.)            Kelly Clarkson “dishes on tour life, real estate, and real pain.” The pain is not emotional like you’d expect. She recently sprained her ankle.

 

21.)            “Hollywood’s Hippest Shades” are really ugly sunglasses.

 

22.)            Michelle Obama knows how to rock an outfit.

 

23.)            California was cursed with the case of the Real Housewives of New Jersey (a show I am unashamedly hooked on), who brought their baggage to the wine country. The main reason to watch is for token gay boy Greg Bennett!

 

24.)            Breaking Bad is coming to an end, possibly destroying the plans for future meth lab builders everywhere.

 

Us Weekly came early this week and as a result missed out on the story of the week – the alleged kidnapping of Paris Jackson (Michael’s daughter, in case you live under a rock). So stay tuned for next week! This shit is gonna get GOOD.

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