If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: Does it really matter who cheated first?) February 8, 2013

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 5:11 PM
Um...cheating is cheating. So whoever did it first is irrelevant. Stupid people!

Um…cheating is cheating. So whoever did it first is irrelevant. Stupid people!

The bitch fur is flying between Eddie Cibrian’s ex- and current wives about who cheated first. Current wife LeAnn Rimes is making some not-so-shocking allegations about her cheating spouse’s ex and it’s gettin’ ugly. Keep reading. I’ll get to that later. Meanwhile, here’s the rest of the stuff I learned by reading this week’s Us Weekly:


1.)                Lady Gaga is pretty peeved at her ex-assistant, who is suing the meat-wearing songstress for unpaid wages. “She’s a f-ing hood rat who is suing me for money she didn’t earn.” Gaga makes this claim because the assistant refused to unpack all 20 pieces of the singer’s luggage during tours.


2.)                Ashley Judd and Dario Franchitti are splitsville.


3.)                As it turns out, there’s more than one Teen Mom 2 star who is mental. This may come as a surprise to you, but Kailyn Lowry, 20, admitted she’s bipolar.


4.)                It’s good to be Emma Stone. One reason is that she got to pose – in bed – with Bradley Cooper and Ben Affleck. Yep. It’s certainly good to be her.


5.)                It’s official: Rihanna is back with Chris Brown, the douchebag who beat the hell out of her in 2009. She’s clearly sick of people judging her bad decisions. “Even if it’s a mistake, it’s MY mistake.” Okay, then.


6.)                Kim Kardashian is having pregnancy cravings!


7.)                Karl Lagerfield and I have something in common. We both disliked Michelle Obama’s new bangs at the inauguration.


8.)                Us Weekly readers prefer Kris Jenner to Bethenny Frankel when it comes to their upcoming talk shows. Because what the world needs is more stupidly famous people hosting talk shows.


9.)                Selena Gomez claims she’s “a little bit more sassy” since her breakup with the Biebs.


10.)            QUOTE OF THE ISSUE – Channing Tatum on his future spawn: “If that thing comes out anything like me as a kid, I’m putting it right back up there.”


11.)            Beyonce says her Super Bowl halftime performance is her legacy.


12.)            Duchess Kate went to the pharmacy!!!!!


13.)            Pregnant Kim Kardashian is starting to show.


14.)            Dennis Haskins, best known for his role as Mr. Belding on “Saved by the Bell,” is so desperate for a reunion show, he’s hijacked interviews with former co-stars.


15.)            According to Us Weekly, everything about Justin Bieber is borrowed from other stars. His famous locks are credited as being inspired by Donny Osmond.


16.)            The “it” pattern for dresses is checks.


17.)            Kevin Costner is making movies again.


18.)            Michael J. Fox has a new sitcom coming out in which he plays … wait for it … a guy with Parkinson’s.


19.)            So John Mayer and Katy Perry are still together. This may be his longest relationship yet!


20.)            Tia Mowry has gone vegan.


21.)            Howard Stern has a romantic side, according to his wife.


22.)            Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are having another baby.


23.)            Timothy Busfield and Melissa Gilbert got engaged.


24.)            Annoying “magician” Criss Angel is offering a $5,000 reward for the safe return of his teacup Yorkie, Spike, who was dognapped late last month.


25.)            Former Real Housewife of New Jersey Dina Manzo has filed for divorce from her douchebag of a husband and he already has a girlfriend.


26.)            “Gossip Girl’s” Leighton Meester and Adam Brody, formerly of “The OC,” are secretly dating, but Us Weekly is positively rotten at keeping secrets.


27.)            In “I’d like to get into a man sandwich with them” news, Bradley Cooper and Leonardo DiCaprio had a bro weekend in Miami Beach.


28.)            Taylor Swift never, ever, ever, ever wants to hang out with Carrie Underwood. Tay-Tay thinks Carrie is always rude to her, so they obviously hate each other.


29.)            COVER STORY: LeAnn Rimes says her husband Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville (one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) cheated first. Brandi has famously declared that there was a long string of women Eddie cheated on her with, LeAnn among them. But thems fightin’ words and LeAnn is striking back by alleging that Brandi had a long-term affair during her marriage. But Brandi is making the best of a bad situation by writing a tell-all book. And Eddie still looks like a cad.


30.)            Meanwhile, the next Beverly Hills housewives showdown, and there are many, will reportedly be between Lisa Vanderpump and Camille Grammer.


31.)            Bethenny Frankel may not have made time for her husband, due to her career in reality television, but Us Weekly says she’s already making time for a new boyfriend. Her divorce filing is probably still warm from the printer, so she’s not wasting any time.


32.)            Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are “stronger than ever” despite divorce rumors circulating about them. They’ve released a new “inspired” scent together, which probably smells like used condoms.


33.)            The best and worst Oscar speeches got a profile in this week’s issue. Among the worst was, “I’m so in love with my brother right now,” the line famously uttered by Angelina Jolie shortly after she practically stuck her tongue down big brother’s mouth on the red carpet. Nasty!


34.)            If “America’s Next Top Model” and “Project Runway” aren’t enough for you, there’s a new model search show coming out called “The Face.” Us Weekly profiles the contestants, some of whom will be mentored by Naomi Campbell. Maybe she’ll teach them to catwalk and assault personal assistants AT THE SAME TIME!


35.)            Mirrored aviator shades are making a comeback. “I feel the need … the need for speed.”


36.)            There are all kinds of fun things you can do to your fingernails! Sarah Hyland likes striped polish, Adele goes with two tones, Anne Hathaway wore pearl accents, and Busy Philipps uses 3-D stickers.


37.)            Melissa McCarthy is acting out of character in her new movie. She plays a funny, overweight person.


38.)            Season 3 of Downton Abbey is on DVD. I still have yet to see seasons one and two, however.


39.)            The new season of Survivor will feature fan favorites versus fans. I wasn’t aware there still were fans of this show.


40.)            Kanye West stepped out in Paris looking like one of Michael Jackson’s children back when he was still alive. Kanye was snapped wearing a bright red ski mask with only an eye hole. Creeeeeepy.


I learned 40 things this week and now, so have YOU! Congratulations! I have filled your head with so much useless information you’ve probably lost some important stuff that should have stayed in your brain. You’re welcome!


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