susieworld

If you want sense, you're going to have to make it yourself.

What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: pregnancy can make you fat) March 28, 2013

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 8:13 AM

fat kim k  Don’t call Kim Kardashian fat! I’ll tell you what will happen to you if you do once I get to that story in this week’s Us Weekly!

 

1.)                 The Bachelor alum Jason Mesnick and wife Molly had a daughter. Jason famously chose another woman to be his wife before dumping her to marry Molly. But so far, the relationship is a success, which is totally amazeballs since that show isn’t exactly known for resulting in much more than one night stands.

 

2.)                 Fans of “Veronica Mars” have deep pockets. Deep enough to have helped fund a movie version of the hit series.

 

3.)                 It sucks to live with Gwyneth Paltrow. She doesn’t let her husband or kids eat carbs. Meanwhile, she tells Us she almost died after suffering a miscarriage a few years back.

 

4.)                 Olivia Wilde didn’t think her fiancé, SNL star Jason Sudekis, would be interested in her because she isn’t pretty enough.

 

5.)                 For a pro-football player, Tom Brady has surprisingly small pecs.

 

6.)                 Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are back together!

 

7.)                 Lindsay Lohan got off easy once again. She was sentenced to 90 days of rehab, 30 days of community service, and 18 months of therapy for reckless driving. That train wreck should be spending quality time behind bars!

 

8.)                 I regret to inform you that “Bachelor Pad” will be taking a hiatus and won’t air this summer. You’ll have to watch attractive people getting drunk and having orgies over on MTV’s “Real World” instead.

 

9.)                 I guess Us Weekly is a little behind on the John Mayer/Katy Perry story. Us reports they’re not broken up, while People says it’s totes OVER!

 

10.)             Liam Hemsworth’s friends apparently aren’t fans of fiancée Miley Cyrus. They want him to break up with her.

 

11.)             Former Playmate Holly Madison named her kid Rainbow.

 

12.)             Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn decided to turn their relationship into a press event by releasing a joint statement confirming that they are together.

 

13.)             Britney Spears wasn’t heartbroken for long after her breakup with former bodyguard Jason Trawick. She’s moved on to a new guy who works in a law firm.

 

14.)             Steve Carell and his wife Nancy are still going strong after 17 years of marriage. He says he has upgraded his gifts to her from homemade coupons for a free massage to actual spa treatments. Good boy!

 

15.)             COVER STORY: Kim Kardashian, who has never been known as a skinny minnie, doesn’t want people calling her fat just because she’s pregnant and wears inappropriately tight clothing. She wore a black and white dress out and about and bloggers decided to compare her to Shamu. Which is pretty mean. Us Weekly featured an array of Kim pics in different maternity styles, none of which appear to be very maternity-ish, but the mag claims she’s learning how to dress for her condition. I’ll believe it when I see it, but calling the girl a whale is going over the line. At least she’s not stick thin and unhealthy! Meanwhile, Kourtney and Khloe have both lost weight while brother Rob is packing on the pounds. Nothing will happen to you if you call any of them fat, provided you don’t say it to their faces.

 

16.)             Adele’s getting married! She already had the baby, which took her away from the music world indefinitely, so hopefully the pending marriage won’t make her hiatus last even longer!

 

17.)             Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough split because he wasn’t ready to settle down. Personally, I think it’s because he’s sadly still in the closet.

 

18.)             “Teen Mom” star Leah Calvert had yet another baby after giving birth to twins three years ago.

 

19.)             Jennifer Garner is teaching her daughters the art of makeup. For Jennifer, this means lip gloss and little else. Go, girl!

 

20.)             The Real Housewives of Orange County are back. Even Alexis “Jesus Jugs” Bellino who reportedly quit during the off-season, but returned with another God fearing friend for the upcoming season. Should be good stuff.

 

21.)             Speaking of bad TV I have no business watching, I will be tuning in to MTV for the “Real World: Portland” season, which debuts tonight! Since Bachelor Pad is taking a break, I figure I’ll get my drunken debauchery through this show.

 

My sincere apologies for this blog being so late! My husband attempted to recycle this week’s issue before I had the chance to write about it! So he very sweetly dug it out of the recycling can for me. Major props to Mr. Susie!!! Until next week, lovers, which will probably be in two days… Keep on gossipin’!

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One Response to “What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: pregnancy can make you fat)”

  1. Carmensandiego Says:

    But it was a flattering picture of Shamu! And it was the dress, not her size!! LOL!! Love the blog! Keep it coming. And hide the recyclables from your husband please.


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