susieworld

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What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: “sources say…”) June 8, 2013

Filed under: Celebrity B.S. — susieworld @ 1:49 PM
Jennifer Loves Huge Tits is engaged and preggers! Maybe this one will stick.

Jennifer Loves Huge Tits is engaged and preggers! Maybe this one will stick.

People still care about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Well, Us Weekly does – enough to put her on the cover of this week’s issue. The girl I lovingly call Jennifer Loves Huge Tits is possibly getting married and having a baby. But knowing Us Weekly, this could all be speculation. Here’s what else I learned….

 

1.)    Katie Couric can’t get a second date! She apparently was wined and dined by B-listers like Jeff Probst and Bob Saget, but neither called her again. It gets grosser. Larry King reportedly tried to take her home with him, but she “extricated” herself from that uncomfortable situation.

 

2.)    James Lipton admitted that he was a PIMP in Paris in the ‘50s! My favorite curse word doesn’t describe my shock.

 

3.)    Philip Seymour Hoffman has problems with drugs. He apparently fell off the wagon last year and dipped into the heroin pool.

 

4.)    Shocking news: a Bachelorette contestant wasn’t up front with his relationship status. Bachelorette Desiree was surprised to find one contestant’s angry girlfriend knocking on her front door.

 

 

5.)    Hillary Clinton is going to look a little different in a planned biopic of her life. The actresses up to play her include Jessica Chastain, Amanda Seyfried, Scarlett Johansson, and Reese Witherspoon.

 

 

6.)    According to Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper is a “wet kisser.” Ewwwww!

 

 

7.)    I respectfully disagree with Us Weekly that Fergie’s pregnancy style “rocks.” She looks more like Jessica Simpson in ugly printed frocks. Both women need a stylist STAT!

 

8.)    Ladies seem to prefer dudes with facial hair. Except for Leonardo DiCaprio.

 

 

9.)    Kim Kardashian got what every woman needs at her June 2 baby shower – an Hermes diaper bag.

 

10.) Well, this is clever. Channing and Jenna Dewan Tatum learned the gender of their baby by having the doctor call a local bakery and order a cake. They discovered they’d be having a girl when they cut into the cake and discovered it was pink. Us Weekly failed to report that the baby was born this week and her name is Everly.

 

 

11.) Guys who are still single may be depressed to know that creepy, geeky David Arquette is getting set to wed another woman who I believe is out of his league. His 2 ½-year divorce from Courteney Cox became final late last month and he’s planning to fast-track his relationship with Entertainment Tonight reporter Christina McLarty.

 

12.) In Tiger Woods news, Elin Nordegren “hates Lindsay Vonn and everything about this romance and is angry Tiger even has visitation rights to the kids,” according to a “source.”

 

 

13.) Arrests can bring people together! Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth are reportedly closer than ever after their brush with the law in April.

 

 

14.) Us Weekly reports that Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger are going to take the plunge into wedded bliss. Only problem is, he hasn’t asked her to marry him yet.

 

15.) In questionable casting news, Rob Lowe will play John F. Kennedy in the upcoming “Killing Kennedy” feature on the National Geographic Channel.

 

 

16.) COVER STORY: Jennifer Love Hewitt is planning her next breakup … er … engagement. The girl is notorious for dating co-stars and turning crazy on them. The latest victim is Brian Hallisay, her co-star on “The Client List.” He’s a cutie and I hope he wises up fast or can put up with crazy. Oh, and she’s preggers. This according to another “source.” Among her long list of exes are Joey Lawrence, Carson Daly, Jamie Kennedy, and even John Mayer, who probably gave her a taste of her own crazy medicine.

 

17.) I follow Amanda Bynes on Twitter because the girl is totally cray-cray! She was recently arrested after cops caught her throwing a bong out her window. She claimed it was a vase. And she wore a disheveled blonde wig to her court appearance. She tweets that she’s not crazy, but then goes on a Twitter rampage, telling Rihanna that Chris Brown beat her because she’s ugly. She also suggested that Perez Hilton kill himself. All aboard the crazy train!

 

 

18.) Katy Perry is a glutton for punishment. She’s back with John Mayer, who is very likely just dating her to stay in the spotlight. He’s pretty notorious for dating girls who make headlines. Especially since a vocal chord issue prevented him from performing. Meanwhile, if you’re sick of Katy Perry I have bad news for you. She’s in the studio recording her fourth album.

 

19.) You can find love on the set of American Idol, unless you’re Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj. But I digress. Former “Idols” Diana DeGarmo wed Ace Young on June 1.

 

 

20.) Justin Bieber has pissed off the wrong people. After being caught speeding his Ferrari through Keyshawn Johnson’s neighborhood, Johnson followed the teen queen to his residence to confront him. But the little boy fled inside his house at the sight of the footballer. Hulk Hogan, who Us relies on to choose sides in celeb feuds, is firmly on Johnson’s side. “Bieber needs to grow up.”

 

21.) Will Smith got a little pissed off at a reporter for comparing his family to the Kardashians. Meanwhile, Kris Jenner is just thrilled that Will is talking about them.

 

 

22.) Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, Brandi Glanville, is penning another tome – a sequel to her book “Drinking & Tweeting: and Other Brandi Blunders.” This one will be about dating. I love me some Brandi, but I don’t think I’d take dating advice from her. She suggested that a married co-star cheat on her husband in order to spice up their relationship.

 

That is all. See you next week!

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One Response to “What I learned by reading Us Weekly (or: “sources say…”)”

  1. Johnny Says:

    Susie, you are WAY more entertaining that ET is…who or what ever is keeping that show on TV needs to read your blog BAD!


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